"For everything that we want, God only has three answers:
1) Yes.
2) Yes, but NOT NOW.
3) No, because I have something better."
I clung to this idea as I struggled through major health complications, business failure, money issues, home problems (i.e. couch-surfing/no place to live), my own personal grappling with the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina (being a New Orleans native, it affected me deeply) and--shall we say--a whole lot of TURNOVER in my group of friends.
Everything did work out eventually, though never exactly how I had planned. And as I look back now, I see my friends' words have continued to serve me through the years.
By late 2006/early 2007, I had already begun to work on what I used to call my abundance book. And I desperately wanted to make my living as an author and a coach (and in fact had been quite successful at winning clients for my failed coaching business--profit, I discovered, was a different matter). I worked tirelessly on the first few chapters. But who wants coaching from a homeless, broke coach?
This was a very difficult time for me because I got to come face-to-face with my writing and coaching dreams as somewhat disconnected from reality. In fact, eventually, I came to understand that the way I showed up to other people in that moment was that I was living in a fantasy.
I was telling this story to a client last night and we free-styled:
What I had was a FANTASY.
What I needed was a J-O-B.
It wasn't that I didn't have a right to my dreams. It's that I needed to learn to work toward my dreams with patience, diligence and integrity. I had to take responsibility for my own physical, emotional, financial and spiritual well-being. Put another way, I had to grow up.
It turned out that taking responsibility did not mean pretending not to feel my feelings or stoically suffering through a life I hated. It was actually quite the opposite. It meant reaching out for support, getting the information I needed to move forward and then embracing the loving accountability of checking in with compassionate people multiple times per day to help me shift my attitudes and behaviors just one day at a time so that I could show up for the life of a healthy mature adult.
At the time, learning to be healthy and mature meant learning to function in the work environment, learning the humility and interpersonal skills required to be a good employee and learning to manage my resources wisely. So I got a J-O-B, fell into all kinds of crazy situations, and learned to use these situations as opportunities to heal my own insanity (since I can't attract crazy if I'm not insane myself).
My fantastical desire was to be a famous, wealthy coach with no pain and no need for support. I didn't understand back then that it was part of my insanity to be terrified of asking for help. The answer to my fantastical request was "No, because I have something better." The "something better" was to be put in situations that were SO CHALLENGING that I had to ask for help...or else. And in fact, getting the help I needed to grow through those tough times was so much better than living in a fantasy. I got to learn to be an honest, humble woman who asked for and received huge amounts of love and support as I faced my problems and healed my old wounds. To this day, honesty and humility are the prizes I pray for more than anything.
The more grounded version of that fantasy was a legitimate desire to help people achieve their deepest dreams. Looking back from where I stand now, I understand that the answer to that desire was "Yes, but not now." I had a lot more to learn before I had the integrity and wisdom to be trusted with serving people and running a successful business. But when I look back at the intervening years, I see how much every single one of my experiences in the interim was training me for what I do now. Many of those experiences were obvious training--interviewing and coaching thousands of executives, leading coaching groups for people living below the poverty line, etc. But often, my best training came from seeking the information and support I needed to overcome my own painful and difficult obstacles.
On my best days here in the present, I don't worry so much about which of the three answers God will offer me today. So many painful things have turned out to be blessings. Life often throws me things I don't expect but the overwhelming answer I get again and again is: "Yes, you are being taken care of." In the space of that invitation to trust, it becomes less about what God says to me about one detail or another and more about what I say to God.
For today, my answer is YES. Yes to growth, yes to adventure, yes to learning, yes to support and yes to all the miracles I don't even know are coming.
What's your answer to life today?
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